Parents demand 20-year-old daughter take 10-year-old sister everywhere with her, daughter finally puts foot down after years of babysitting: ‘I’m trying to live my own life’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 26, 2026 3:00 PM EST

Time to spread your wings… and move out of your parents' house.

Every older sibling understands that taking care of their younger brothers and sisters simply becomes part of their lives at some point. Nobody warns you, and you most definitely didn't sign up for it, but that is just the dynamic that exists in every single family; sooner or later, the older sibling becomes an unpaid babysitter. 

Unsurprisingly, some parents use their older children's services too much, and cross the line between occasionally using them for help and downright using them. A child is not a nanny. especially since they are not getting paid to be a nanny, and there is no reason to treat them as such. 

The problem is, as long as the children themselves won't put their foot down and refuse to be used by their parents, they will never stop. They will keep asking their kids for more, keep using them as a helping hand, even when all they do around the house is help. The change has to come from the children, and sometimes, they simply do not have it in them to stand up for themselves, especially in front of their parents.

It took the daughter in the story below 20 years to finally stand up for herself and refuse to do as her parents bade. She used to have her 10-year-old sister everywhere with her; while she was out with friends, in her own bedroom, they even shared belongings. Everywhere the eldest sister looked, there was her baby sister following her every footstep. 

Since they share a bedroom, the older sister can't even have privacy or ownership of her own stuff. Anything her younger sister sees, she claims for herself, and their parents fully support that. 

But the elder sister is an adult now, and she wants her own life. This led her to confront her parents and refuse to follow any more of their demands regarding her young sister. Keep scrolling to read how that turned out.

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  • AITA for refusing to do everything for my younger sister?

    I (20F) am the oldest of four, and my sister the youngest 10F. I've been babysitting and taking care of my siblings since I was very young, so I grew up with a lot of responsibility.
    via lotusflowern
  • A young girl sitting on a bed holding a cell phone
    via Brooke Cagle

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Now that I'm older, I'm trying to live my own life, but my parents keep pulling me back into that role, which has caused tension between me, them, and my sister.
    via lotusflowern
  • Whenever I go out with friends, my parents insist I take my sister along. If I say no, I'm called selfish.
    via lotusflowern
  • I don't mind taking her sometimes, especially if my friends have siblings her age, but it always feels like I'm babysitting and can't enjoy myself.
    via lotusflowern
  • When I want to spend time alone with my adult friends, I decline because it doesn't make sense to bring a 10 yr old.
    via lotusflowern
  • Still, my sister clings to me, and I'm often pressured into taking her, which mentally drains me.
    via lotusflowern
  • And when I take a stance and say no, when I come back home I'm guilt tripped.
    via lotusflowern
  • We also share a room (which is normal in my culture). I take up more space because I'm 20 and have more belongings, but my parents accuse me of being controlling and selfish.
    via lotusflowern
  • Even though my sister admits she doesn't have things to fill the space I use, my parents have convinced her that I'm taking what's "hers." They also tell her that anything I own belongs to her too whenever she complains about me having way more stuff than her.
    via lotusflowern
  • Recently, after I took back something of mine I had let her use because she did something that PMO, my parents forcibly gave it to her, which made me furious.
    via lotusflowern
  • And we all got into a heated argument (still ongoing). \-So AITA? Is this my fault?
    via lotusflowern
  • (Ps: My mom, the youngest sibling, always takes my sister's side because of her own trauma with her older siblings.
    via lotusflowern
  • handsome, beautiful mom and her 10-year-old daughter walk through the city
    via RobertoDavid

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • (No matter what I do, I'm always labeled the villain, compared to the older siblings who traumatized her).
    via lotusflowern
  • My dad is a middle child, so neither of them understands what it's like being the oldest daughter.
    via lotusflowern
  • To them, I'm always the selfish, angry, tyrannical older sister) Update: so since the recent fight about taking something of mine forcibly and giving it to my sister, I haven't been talking to any of them including my sister, and just locked myself in the room.
    via lotusflowern
  • My sister went complaining to my parents about how I've been ignoring her and what do they decide to do?
    via lotusflowern
  • Take away my Wi- Fi privileges, AGAIN FORCIBLY. They're trying to force me to go speak w her.
    via lotusflowern
  • This genuinely sent me into a spiral of rage.
    via lotusflowern
  • Pick_Up_the_Phone I was the oldest of 5. The responsibility made me not want children of my own. NTA
    via Pick_Up_the_Phone
  • lotusflowern Original Poster's Reply Literally same, never want children, and never wanna get married. I'm more than happy to be alone.
    via lotusflowern
  • uncommonbreeddogmom You're an adult. Guilt only works if you let it. Time to move.
    via uncommonbreeddogmom
  • wesmorgan1 NTA - but is seems that the only way to end this is to live on your own. You're 20 years old - if you haven't already started planning/saving to move out, it's time to start.
    via wesmorgan1
  • WhereWeretheAdults NTA. This is called parentification. Parents are making you responsible for their other children. They have put you into a role often called "the responsible one" that is the child they set up to do what they demand to make their lives easier. What your parents are doing when they call "selfish" is what is known as projecting. They are using you simply to make their lives easier. That is the definition of selfish. No, you are not the problem. You parents are just abusing you.
    via WhereWeretheAdults
  • SavingsRhubarb8746 NTA. Its ridiculous for a 10-year- old and a 20-year old to share a social life (except, perhaps, for events with families that also have children around 10 years old, which you mention). Your parents are literally wrong when they say your sister owns everything you do. The only thing I might suggest is that you figure out some kind of storage solutions so that you and your sister each fit your belongings in half the room. I'm not convinced that she should get less space becau
    via SavingsRhubarb8746
  • Trespassingw NTA. Looks like your parents want you to take this responsibility forever. You need to figure out how to move out. Do you study or work? If you have your own income, start saving and lock your credit if your country use credit companies.
    via Trespassingw
  • your-mom04605 NTA You definitely need to be planning your exit, because this isn't going to change. I mean your parents suck for sure, and are completely out of line here, but it's not going to get better until you don't live there any more.
    via your-mom04605
  • MerlinBiggs NTA. This isn't just unfair on you. It's making her dependant on you. She will grow up not knowing how to function without you. You have to put a stop to it for both your sakes. Tell her yourself that your things are not hers no matter what your parents say.
    via MerlinBiggs
  • jontss Why do your patents treat you like you're 12? Start doing adult stuff in front of her and then hopefully they'll realize having a 10 year old spend all their time with a 20 year old is a bad idea.
    via jontss

  • Do you think it's time this 20-year-old finally spread her wings and move out of her parents' house?

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family drama kids mother siblings parenting babysitting family sister women parents children Father
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